What’s your EGI? (Earliest Gay Influence) or “The Hardy Boys Made Me Gay”

A gay comedian (whose name I can’t recall, unfortunate because he was HI-larious!) said that his earliest gay influence or role model was C3PO from “Star Wars.” After the laughter, the comic described the droid as “tooling about space, all decked out in gold lamé going ‘Master Luke! Master Luke!’ proving his point. R2D2 was also a lesbian, he said. “Tool belt on wheels!”

My EGI (Earliest Gay Influence – work with me, people, I’m trying to “start a meme” here as my young friend Will puts it) was not a robot, but he was extra-human. You may know him as Paul Lynde from the Hollywood Squares but I’ll always remember him as the warlock, Samantha’s Uncle Arthur from “Bewitched.” “Well, Endora, what are you going to turn Darren into today?” I can still hear him ask. One reason I still have so much lingering bitterness toward Richard Nixon is the Watergate hearings deprived me of my morning “Bewitched” ritual the summer of ’74. Not a nice trick to play on a budding six-year-old homosexual boy. Yes, that’s a lot of bitterness I realize.

But another early gay influence that I wrote about in my memoir was a series of books I read. No, not the Danny Orlis series, that’s another blog post. Here, I’m talking about The Hardy Boys.

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April 19th: A Day That Will Live In Obscurity

This week I’ve posted about myths – things that turned out not to be literally true – about the Columbine shootings, including random myths like the shooters were part of a “Trenchcoat Mafia” and whether Cassie Bernall said “yes.” I also referred to Bart Ehrman‘s book, Jesus Interrupted, to show that if you read the Bible literally, it can’t be true, not as written. This post continues with the theme of “things that turned out not to be true” but isn’t about Columbine. Oh, today was SUPPOSED to have been the day of the Columbine shootings, had Eric Harris’s plan gone the way it was supposed to, but I’ll write about that tomorrow. This post relates to the reason Harris wanted April 19th to be the day.

Many Americans – well, many Americans who know anything about history – would probably say the most “infamous” day in US history is December 7, 1941. After all, President Roosevelt declared December 7th a day that will live in infamy. We don’t get Presidential decrees like that very often. For most Americans alive today, however, the actual, if undeclared, day of infamy, is September 11, 2001. Most of us remember that day and it was a made-for-tv mass murder. In both cases, our enemies knew what they were doing and they did it with precision. But there’s a third day that to, seems more ominous. That day is today. April 19th.

As tragic as 12/7/41 and 9/11/01 were, those were days that somebody attacked us. Someone else, other than us. An enemy. The Japanese navy attacked and we obliterated much of Japan. Al Qaeda attacked, and we wiped out Al Qaeda. The problem with April 19th is that everything that happened on this day, we’ve done to ourselves. For this reason, we like to forget about April 19, a day that will live in obscurity.

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Myths from Columbine, Part Three – Columbine and Christ

The past two days I wrote posts about the Columbine shootings that took place 13 years ago this week. Part one was about nine commonly-held misconceptions about the tragedy; part two was about the story of Cassie Bernall and the legend that has arisen about her death.

One of the lessons of Columbine that is overlooked is that it illustrates in real-time how a myth is created. I use “myth” here in the modern sense, to mean something that isn’t true. Without going off on a tangent, the actual definition of myth, according to the late Joseph Campbell, is “truth speaking to us as metaphor.” Although I prefer Campbell’s usage, I’ll succumb to modernity for this post and use the word to mean a falsehood.

Within minutes after Cassie’s death, the rumor began that she had died as a martyr for Christ and because of her mother’s book and the song by Michael W. Smith, the odds are that most people today who know of Cassie believe in the literal truth of her martyrdom. Think about – it’s been only 13 years, with all the modern technology we have and people still believe a legend rather than the factual account.  (Perhaps it’s BECAUSE of modern technology, but that’s another subject…) Now, go back in time to the desert of the Middle East 2000 years ago. Bart Ehrman has written extensively about this subject; most of the information below is from Jesus Interrupted: Revealing The Hidden Contradictions In The Bible (and why we don’t know about them).

The year is approximately 30 A.D. (or 30 CE as it’s now called). There were no recording devices, not even pencil and paper. Let’s assume Jesus did live (even though there’s no record of his existence other than the Biblical account and the manuscripts that didn’t make it into the Bible). The disciples and the others who followed him didn’t write down his words; most of them were illiterate fishermen or other laborers. After Jesus died and his followers dispersed, how do you think his story was recorded? That’s right, by word of mouth. For almost forty years, the story of Jesus was passed around his groups of followers and early converts verbally. Imagine the children’s game of telephone for over a generation. How accurate is it going to be?

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Myths from Columbine, Part Two – What Did She Really Say?

On April 20, 1999, 12 students and 1 teacher were murdered at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado by two students who committed suicide. Yesterday, in Part One, I wrote about ten commonly-held beliefs about Columbine that aren’t true, and I discussed reasons for the first nine.

I saved the tenth for today.

CASSIE BERNAL – Did she really say “yes”?

Columbine is etched in our national memory as one of the most horrific tragedies we’ve endured, and the suffering of the victims’ friends and families continues to be a painful reality. Apart from the tragic aspect, however, the most intriguing component of Columbine involves Cassie Bernal, and what the aftermath of her story says about the nation and about the concept of truth and myth.

Immediately after the shootings, a story began circulating about a girl named Cassie Bernall. Cassie was in the library along with dozens of others when they heard shots. As confusion ran through the building and Harris and Klebold entered the library, some students hid under tables while others managed to escape. One of the students who escaped reported that he heard one of the shooters ask Cassie if she believed in God. When Cassie said “Yes,” the shooter killed her.

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Myths from Columbine, Part One – What You Think You Know

Thirteen years ago this week, twelve students and one teacher were murdered at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. The two students who committed the murders, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, also killed themselves in the attack bringing the death toll to 15, the deadliest high school massacre in American history. Most of us remember the horrible scenes from that day and recall the news that emerged from the tragedy. The facts of that day are now a part of American history, including a book titled Columbine by Dave Cullen.

So, here’s a history quiz.


1). The shooters – Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold – were part of a group known at Columbine as the “Trench Coat Mafia.”

2). Harris and Klebold were Goths.

3). Harris and Klebold were fans of Marilyn Manson.

4). Harris and Klebold specifically targeted jocks.

5). Harris and Klebold specifically targeted minorities.

6). Most of the kids shot were on a hit list.

7). Harris and Klebold were gay.

8). Harris and Klebold were both psychopaths.

9). Harris and Klebold chose April 20 for the shootings because it was Hitler’s birthday.

10). Cassie Bernal was killed because she said she believed in God.

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“Bully” week recap

The 5-part series this week on the movie “Bully” has been the best week ever for this blog. That gives me hope that people are serious about fixing this problem.

“Bully” focuses on five stories:


“I will go to my grave until a difference is made,” says Tyler’s dad, and you know he means it.


“It feels like everybody just turned against me. Nine or ten of ‘em just calling me stupid, and dumb, and they started throwing things at me. One of the guys said what he was going to do to me, and everybody would laugh, and I tell him to be quiet, and he kept talking, and that’s when I got up.”


Alex tells us he feels good when he’s in his house and with his family. He introduces us to his family, his four younger siblings and Mom and Dad. He introduces himself last and when he says, “and then there’s me.” His voice drops as if he is so ashamed he can barely add himself to his own narrative.


You’ll love Kelby’s friends and family. Her friends admit that everyone assumes they are lesbians too but they aren’t, except for one cute petite girl who says she’s “K-gay” which presumably means gay for Kelby. Later in the movie we see Kelby and the K-gay girl walking arm-in-arm.

Kirk Smalley (in baseball cap)

Kirk and Laura Smalley

Ty’s best friend, a chubby cute kid shows where they used to hang out. The friend admits that in the 2nd grade he was a bully himself but by the fourth grade, he decided he didn’t want to hurt anyone. The friend, Tray, says he wanted to hurt the kids who hurt Ty, but Ty didn’t want him to. Ty said to leave them alone, that Tray was better than they were.

“BULLY” – Kirk and Laura Smalley


(This is the conclusion of a five-part series on the movie “Bully,” which opens today nationwide. Read parts one, two, three and four)


“A tragic situation has shaken a small Oklahoma town to its core,” says a local television announcer.

An eleven-year-old boy turned a gun on himself, taking his own life. “At this time,” said the superintendent of schools on television, “there’s no indication that bullying was a factor.” Ty’s parents disagree.

You see an agonizing shot of a man walking a woman into a funeral, saying, “We’re going to tuck the baby into the bed one more time.”

Kirk Smalley (in baseball cap)

“I believe with all my heart,” says the minister, “that when a child dies, they go straight to be with God. They go straight to His presence.”

If I may insert my own agnosticism here, assuming God exists, he has allowed an eleven-year old to kill himself with a gun, leaving behind tormented parents, friends and family.  As if reading my mind, the minister says, “But what does that leave for us, the ones who are left behind?”

Ty was almost too young to have had a story of his own. His segment of the movie is devoted primarily to his father, Kirk Smalley, and the organization he started, “Stand for the Silent.” 

 Ty’s best friend, a chubby cute kid shows where they used to hang out. The friend admits that in the 2nd grade he was a bully himself but by the fourth grade, he decided he didn’t want to hurt anyone. The friend, Tray, says he wanted to hurt the kids who hurt Ty, but Ty didn’t want him to. Ty said to leave them alone, that Tray was better than they were.

“If I was the king of the United States, I’d make it to where there was no popularity, everyone was equal.” (Uh-oh, the main opponent of bullying is an eleven-year-old socialist monarchist!) “That’s how it should be.”

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